Today is a big day. Today was the first day that someone did not forgot something when I was in the express line! I know, I know... you are all quite impressed but please all applause and questions until the end. So, I work the express line a lot and on the express line there is no bagger... I am the bagger. Yes, that's right. Two jobs, one line, one paycheck. Not cool. But anyway, the bags are all stationed on a turning contraption so that when one bag is full, you simply turn the thing and fill up another bag. As the bags sit there I usually forget about one or two of them until the person is already out the door and then I have to deal with the bags from there. One time a woman called back because I had kept two dozen eggs while she left- don't worry, she came back the next day to get some more. But today, nothing of the sort went down. Oh, wait. Ok, so one woman forgot her salad... but she came back withing five minutes to reclaim it. So there. We will now open the floor for questions. Anyone... anyone... Well- I see that you are all amazed at my cashiering skills.
Don't worry, I have an instructional video series coming out next month so you (Yes, You!) can become a cashier too! You'll learn the lingo! You'll learn the codes! You'll learn how to make small talk and how to pick up the single women who just came in to buy some milk! Three videos for only $49.99! Yes, you heard me right! Only $49.99! But wait- that's not all! If you call within the next 12 minutes I'll send you not one, not two, but three of your very own Kroger shirts! You can look like an authentic cashier anytime you want. So, whenever you go in for that big interview, they can see that you're the real deal with your real Kroger shirt. So don't delay! Get on the phone and dial right now! 1-800-Cashier.
I think I may be on to something here...